


Pain and Love

by Spazlady2002



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: M/M, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 17:09:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11235456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spazlady2002/pseuds/Spazlady2002
Summary: I am now in a world, where I have to hide my heart. And what I believe in, but somehow I will show the world, what's inside my heart and be loved for who I am





	Pain and Love

**Author's Note:**

> So, song fic. Christina Aguilera is a thing for me back when I wrote all of this. Song is Refection. If you've seen Mulan, then you have heard it. I dont know why I wrote a song fic

Seifer stood on a balcony that over-looked the ocean. Music drifted from the ballroom and wrapped around Seifer. They were celebrating the safe return of Squall and Company. The blond turned around and looked through the door and into the ballroom, Seifer could see Squall dancing with Rinoa. 

The blond swordsmen turned his back on the scene; he did not want to see them. Didn’t want it rubbed into his face anymore than it already was. If I had treated Squall better than I had, Squall wouldn’t have left me. Seifer thought. 

What hurt more than the image of them, was that the brunet had left him for a girl, not just any girl, a sniveling talkative ex-girlfriend. He gripped the railing and lend over to looked down at the water and saw his reflection. 

~look at me. You may think you see who I really am. But you'll never know me. Ev'ry day, it’s as if I play a part. Now I see, if I wear a mask, I can fool the world. But I cannot fool my heart~ 

An old song drifted around Seifer. He closed his eyes against the pain. He remembered Squall playing that song once, and comforting the brunet as he cried. He had never heard Squall play that song again, nor had the younger man cried in front of him again. It hurt to think that Squall no longer trusted him enough to know that he would not have told anyone about that day. It meant too much to Seifer to tell anyone- because that day Seifer had fallen in love with Squall. 

~Who is that man I see staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show who I am inside~ 

The water rippled when a tear disrupted the smooth surface, Seifer wiped the tears from his eyes, turned and walked into the ballroom. He kept close to the wall, keeping out of sight and walked to the exit. Just before the blond left he looked back. 

Squall was still dancing with Rinoa; she had her head resting on his chest. Seifer’s eyes watered again as he looked at Squall, who looked up just then. They looked at each other for several seconds before Seifer turned and left feeling like his heart had just been shattered into a million pieces. 

~I am now in a world, where I have to hide my heart. And what I believe in, but somehow I will show the world, what's inside my heart and be loved for who I am~ 

The blond wandered through Balamb Garden not really knowing or caring where he was going. He stopped just inside the dormitory and looked at his reflection. "Who the hell do I think I'm kidding? I'm nothing now. He has her, why would he want me after I treated him so badly?" he whispered to his reflection. With one last look at his reflection, he turned and ran through the garden. He didn’t even stop when he got to the front gate. He just kept running. He ran until he couldn’t run any more, he stood on the edge of a cliff and willed himself to jump. But for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to do it. 

~Who is that man I see staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don’t know? Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time? When will my reflection show, who I am inside?~ 

The wind blew around Seifer blowing his trench coat around him like a warm blanket. This time away from all the people Seifer didn’t hide his tears; they fell from his eyes and with the tears came the pain and memories. He fell to his knees as the pain became overwhelming. "Why? I never wanted to hurt him?" he shouted up at the moon. "I loved him then; and I still love him."  
Seifer’s voice grew ragged and harsh from crying. Even after everything that he had down, he still wished Squall would come and wrap his arms around him and take the pain away.

~There's a heart that must be free to fly. That burns with a need to know the reason why. Why must we all conceal, what we think, how we feel? Must there be a secret me, I'm forced to hide?~ 

Seifer was remembering all the good times they had before everything started. As he remembered the good ones and he remembered the bad ones as well. Every time he had fought his lover he had hurt him and he tried to stop himself, but he never could because the sorceress control was stronger than his desire not to hurt his lover. "I'm sorry Squall, so very sorry." he whispered. 

He was so consumed by his grief that he didn’t see or hear someone had followed him, and that person stood just behind him. Then they knelt down and wrapped their arms around the grieving man. Seifer was about to fight the person when he felt a very familiar head rest upon his shoulder, and they whispered, "I'm sorry too Seifer." 

Seifer relaxed into the arms and began crying again. "I don’t deserve this." Seifer whispered. 

"Yes you do." Squall whispered back, "Matron told me, that you weren’t really you." He replied and tightened his arms around Seifer. 

Seifer turned in the arms and looked directly into the clear gray eyes of the man he loved. "I understand why you left and I will understand if you never come back." Seifer said, then lowered his head. 

Squall lifted the blonds head to look back at him, "If I didn’t want to be with you. I wouldn’t be here now." Squall told him then lend closer, "I still love you Seifer, my heart, my soul." Squall said and kissed him.

Seifer closed his eyes and enjoyed the warm kiss, when they pulled away, they held onto each other. "I love you, Squall my heart, my soul." Seifer whispered into lover’s ear. Squall stood up pulling Seifer to his feet. "Let’s go back to the party." Squall replied and nodded his head to the left where a motorcycle rested. 

Seifer nodded his head as Squall took his hand, interlacing their fingers and they walked to the bike. 

~I won't pretend that I'm someone else for all time. When will my reflection show, who I am inside? When will my reflection show, who I am inside?~ 

Squall parked the bike in the parking lot of the Garden and they walked back to the ballroom. Seifer let go of Squalls hand once they reached the crowded room, he didn’t want to make the brunet the center of attention. 

Squall looked at his lover and with a small smile said, "I'm not going to hide my feelings." and took his hand, Seifer looked at their hands then up at Squall and with a smile he entwined their fingers and they both entered the ballroom together. 

The End. Or is it? Sore wa himitsu desu.... 4-28-01

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are awesome!!


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